This blog may be somewhat longer than usual, however, it is worth your while to take it all in, that is if you want to be happy in 2011 and always.
I know that you have been wished a happy new year by so many and so often as 2010 comes to a close. I not only wish you a happy New Year, I want to contribute to your happiness so I feel it’s important to give you some valueable clues as to how to make 2011 and beyond happier.
As you know you can experience different degrees of happiness. Everything from extreme, described as joy to more mild forms such as when we smile or more bubbly forms when we laugh.
Happiness is a state of being; actually many states of being. We talk about being happy, we say we want to be happy, right?
Happiness is a profoundly complex element of human experience, so what you’ll read here may seem in some respects an over simplification. However, I’ve attempted to provide you with some ideas that will enable you to identify the key elements of real happiness so you can really experience it.
I think we all have the happiness gene. In some people it’s more dominant, but like all of our genes it can be switched on or off, as in our genetic predisposition for certain diseases by how we live our lives. I.E. too much negative stress can deplete the immune system enabling the cancer gene to activate. In a way that’s how your conscious mind can turn your happiness gene on or off.
Imagine it this way: You have a kind of screen through which you view and process life experiences; a filtering screen made up of your attitudes and belief systems. Imagine your happiness gene is behind the screen, it is already set from birth to be activated by getting your basic life-sustaining needs met. Then as you grow you develop a screening system based on what you learn to believe ought to make you happy, and that determines what you allow to pass through the screen to energize your happiness gene. If you believe what should make you happy is missing, your happiness gene isn’t being turned on, and the screen gets clogged with what would otherwise turn on your happiness gene because you are not letting it get through.
We have basically two kinds of happiness, that which is an emotional sort, stimulated by achieving or acquiring something desired, and an overall inherent fundamental felt sense of happiness (OIFFSH) which is turned on automatically (originally) by having our most basic biological and intrinsic needs met.
Let’s look at this a little more closely.
The IOFFSH include feelings of well-being, comfort, and a sense of wholeness, a sense of fulfillment. Contentment better describes it. That’s a more stable and settled kind of happiness than the emotionally oriented kind. For example a new baby is content when warm, fed, held, and physically comfortable. Some babies seem to be more inherently content, and that may have a great deal to do with how dominant their happiness gene is, so that you might describe that child as having a happy disposition. And of course the perceptual equipment you came into the world with will also have influence; however this can be adjusted through experience and education.
OIFFSH can be described only as a feeling, rather like love, words cannot explain it. It’s a state of being: Being satiated, and content are felt senses. On the other hand emotions can be explained, and described. Inherent or even transitory unhappiness, the opposite of OIFFSH, is not mere dissatisfaction; it contains so many related emotions that are more easily described; if I were to attempt to list them here I’d have to include resentment, anger, frustration, sadness, depression, and more.
Inherent happiness isn’t the kind that relies solely being satisfied by certain things; those we believe we require to be happy: For example, living in certain kinds of environments. We do have intrinsic needs to actualize our human potential and to express certain talents and gifts, and certainly our individual natures seek what resonates with and answers to those needs. However, if we get the basics in our formative years and for enough time beyond, even though we may not be actively fulfilling our potential, our happiness gene is likely to be strong, and able to provide us with the OIFFSH, and is less likely to be residing behind a screen clogged with dissatisfaction leaking through to the gene and turning it off.
If we are raised to be content with the basics, the screen is more likely to be clear. This isn’t a given, other elements come into play, for example, temperament; however, there is no question that what has the most influence on what we allow to pass through the screen is how we are taught to screen our experiences: Society, culture etc. family values all play a significant role. And of course, what we do within ourselves about what comes to us from the outside world. And we do have great power to make that determination.
The American constitution guarantees life liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Have you noticed, though, that when you consciously seek happiness it tends to elude you? That’s because the overall felt sense of happiness isn’t a thing to be achieved. Remember, it is a state of being, and it is already within you; you were born with is as an attribute of your humanness. So to seek it is a misnomer. I know we have been told we can find happiness. And that’s why people search for it, seeking that certain someone, or that certain place, a bigger home or car, more money, more success. Those kinds of things provide emotional pleasure, however if what you strive for to make you happy eludes you, your happiness gene goes into remission because other happiness stimulators are not allowed to pass through the screen to stimulate it: They are labeled as ineffectual, unsatisfactory.
All emotions are transient. That’s why it’s important to differentiate between what comes from acquiring things and that which is an inherent state of being.
You have heard the saying, “Wherever you go you take you with you.” or, “wherever you go, there you are.” It is so true and so relevant. What your attitudes and belief systems are determines your internal states of being and your response to your external world. Yes if you have a desire to be close to water, being there can be pleasurable and emotionally satisfying. And if it’s the only thing missing in your life because your OIFFSH is already strong, by being there you will be a content person. This proves that it is necessary to have your OIFFSH before other things and experiences can reinforce or enhance it, thereby energizing the happiness gene.
If you are missing that fundamental quality of happiness that is a stable felt sense, one of the first ways to experience it is to change how you live your internal life. Adjust your attitudes and belief systems. Clear your screen of things that interfere with your overall felt sense of happiness!
In my more than 35 years of clinical hypnotherapy practice I’ve found that when people resolve life issues, heal from all the various forms of pain humans are heir to…when they like and respect them selves… when they have learned to be in control for themselves, they are experiencing OIFFSH They may not have all they want in life, yet; however, their happiness gene is doing what nature intended it to: Generating inherent happiness.
Think for a little while on these questions: What do you believe are the ingredients for your own happiness? How many of those things are actually essential to your OIFFSH? How many are emotionally based? What does it say about your value systems? Where did those value systems come from? How many of them have actually given you a stable felt sense of happiness?
It’s apparent that some people’s happiness gene is more sensitive to external or psychological states. That’s probably dependent on individual nature and nurture. If not screened off though by false beliefs, the felt sense kind is almost always active enough to withstand the impact of the momentary experiences of disappointment, frustration or dissatisfaction.
What you believe will make you happy naturally drives you to seek it and if you are not careful it can consume your conscious attention and give your subconscious the notion that unless you can find it you will never be happy. Your subconscious is alert to your belief systems and does everything in its power to help you live by them.
A narrow-minded and emotionally deprived attitude is expressed by some of my clients when they first come to me. If they are seeking a life partner and have not yet found one, their belief system is that until they find one they can never be happy or fulfilled. It is their belief systems that are inhibiting their happiness. You may not be emotionally satisfied about something that you want being missing, but to make your whole happiness dependent on that is to put your happiness gene on into a state of suspended animation until you receive what it is you want or feel you need. Therefore by adjusting your attitudes and belief systems to be less dependent on certain things or life events to give you happiness will help you get in touch with and keep your happiness gene energized.
How do you do this? The same way you developed the erroneous notion that what you want or think you need is essential to your overall inherent happiness, you can convince yourself that you can be content without it. Once you let go of the idea that this and this alone will cause you to be truly happy, you clear your screen.
Always keep in mind that nothing and no one can make you happy. You are responsible for developing and maintaining your OIFFSH, because you are the only one in charge of your inner life. Other people can contribute to your emotional happiness when you discern what they do to be happiness provoking.
Remember too, belief systems are formulated not only from the outside world. Your perceptual orientation and your conscious mind contribute enormously to and also reinforce your belief systems. You can control what you do in your conscious mind and therefore have the power within you to change whatever you want and need to. You decide what is true for you.
Your OIFFSH is also a matter of maintaining balance and stability. You can be happy in your relationships, but not in your job, or visa versa. When people say,” I love my work, but my marriage is horrible.” The word but has cancelled what has come before it. The last thing you say is the first thing your subconscious reacts to. So use the and word instead of but.
And is an addition, not a subtraction.
You can let the pleasures of life, which are in fact extras, (wants not inherent needs) pass through the screen with the understanding that they are not essential to your OIFFSH . Then you might say. “I’d be even happier if I had my perfect life partner, or my perfect job.”
Remember, genuine OIFFSH gene is an inbred aspect of your being, kind of like your basic bone structure or hair color, the color of your skin. The gene is within your DNA, it is part of your humanness. So although you recognize that some things in your experience are not satisfying you emotionally, you can determine consciously (your conscious mind has awesome power) that they will not diminish your OIFFSH.
And when you can say, “I am happy with myself, with who I am and how I am as a person, I am comfortable just being and being me,” then your OIFFSH will be in fine shape no matter what. I know you can come to that happiness sustaining conclusion when you are ready to make that journey towards that state of being.
So, if you decide that in 2011 to seek happiness from outside of yourself via accomplishments and acquiring things, make sure you put the achievement of your goals in the category of un-essentials. Learn the difference between wants and needs: You want what you need , however you don’t really need what you want. Staying in touch with that fact enables you to keep your OIFFSH stable; as with all with positive attitudes and belief systems working for you in every aspect of your life, you’ll keep your happiness gene alive and well.
If you are inherently unhappy, it’s because your screen is clogged, you need to explore the causes within yourself, and do the inner work to get your happiness gene reactivated. You were not born unhappy. You might have had a less dominant happiness gene, and/or you might have had many experiences that caused you stress, pain, and unhappy emotions but your happiness gene can be stimulated to be a powerfully active.
Hypnotherapy can help you unclog the screen; because it can help you go deep inside and get in touch with your OIFFSH. It can help you change your belief systems to ones that enable your happiness gene to stay turned on. And learning how to control what you do in your conscious mind will make an enormous difference in how you experience happiness because the saying, “it’s all in your mind” is basically true when it comes to your internal experience.
If you are inherently happy, you can comfortably do without those things that could would give you certain emotional pleasures and satisfactions, but not feel inherently unhappy if they are not in your immediate experience because you are fundamentally a content person.
So once again I wish you a happy New Year, and every year, always enjoying OIFFSH. You have the gene; it needs to get the stimulation that a clear screen allows. You can start by relaxing as deeply as you can, go inside of yourself, visualize your screen being cleared of what has clogged it; consciously discard negative attitudes and erroneous beliefs, encourage yourself to develop a screening system that will allow your overall inherent fundamental felt sense of happiness.
.Happy New Year, TTFN from Elaine Kissel